Christmas Comes Early

I threw open the door and looked around. I settled my sights on the couch, where a formidably sized box had been placed. I was a bit miffed by the fact that the box was slightly smooshed and mashed (thanks a lot, UPS man), but I was ecstatic that it had finally arrived. I quickly grabbed it and attempted to open it, but the tape held strong. I went to get the box opener, but unable to find it, I settled on the letter opener. With a vicious gleam in my eyes, I went to open the box.

I cut through the tape in the middle, but was met with a problem when trying to cut the tape on the ends, because that was where the box was most smooshed. Unwilling to let this slow me down in my quest, I started jabbing at the corners, knowing that a letter opener would not damage the box's contents. I finally managed to jab my way through the tape, and I frantically yanked the box open. And there it was . . . .

Later . . .

Me: Look, I got my coat! =D
Ryan: So now you're like the Doctor?
Me: . . . Sort of. You wanna touch it?
Ryan: *slowly reaches out to poke my sleeve* Awesome . . .